Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
