Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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