so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
