there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
