remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
