I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Randomize
