this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
you had me at cake vodka
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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