that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
