I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
