I am puke
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
