he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
