I'm sorry my penis didn't work
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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