That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
