Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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