That's intense
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
