he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
