two words: eviction party
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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