In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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