Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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