What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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