Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
