A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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