My sheets look like a crime scene.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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