Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
