Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
