I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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