Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
