dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
