everyone is single if you try hard enough
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
