Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
