At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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