well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
