i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
