Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
