How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
