If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
