I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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