Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I didn't notice because vodka
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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