I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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