What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
