I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Is her dick bigger than yours?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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