I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Randomize
