she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
