hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
