I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
