there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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