i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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