saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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