if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
