At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
