Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
